Matthew Taylor
Kidsit Founder, Editor, Illustrator, and father of three beautiful kids in Sydney, Australia.
310 Clean Jokes For Kids
(Plus Random Joke Button!)
Kids are natural comedians, they love telling jokes and laughing at even the silliest stories. Even young children enjoy the structure of joke-telling; the setup, the unexpected punchline, then laughing out loud together!
Kids can happily spend hours improvising their own jokes and experimenting to test what their friends and family find funny.
Help them out by browsing through our list of 310 kid-friendly jokes below, or click the Random Joke Button for rapid-fire gags:
Why do elephants wear yellow socks?
So they can hide upside down in a bowl of custard!
Browse our complete list of kids jokes below.
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Let the laughter begin...
Riddles
Kids are constantly asking parents why, now it’s time to ask them questions! These riddles will help kids to think outside of the box and to question everything while they try to think of an answer. Some of these are tricky but all of them are fun!
Sandy’s mum has four kids; North, West, East, and?
Sandy of course!
Why did the little girl fall off the swing?
She had no arms!
What do you call two bananas on the floor?
Slippers!
A plane crashed in the jungle and every single person died. Who survived?
Married couples!
Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
Stairs!
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick!
How much did the shopkeeper sell his dead batteries for?
Nothing, they were free of charge!
When you’re looking for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because you stop looking when you find it!
Why can’t you ever trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
If an electric train is traveling south at 10 miles per hour and the wind is blowing North at 10 miles per hour, which way does the smoke blow?
Electric trains don’t have smoke!
What do you call a fish without an eye
A fsh!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why was the belt arrested?
Because it was holding up some pants!
What did the ghost call her Mum and Dad?
Her transparents!
Why don’t you ever see giraffes in primary school?
Because they’re all in high school!
What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel!
What do you call an old snowman?
Water!
What happens if life gives you melons?
You’re dyslexic!
What was a more useful invention than the first telephone?
The second telephone!
What did the bald man say when he received a comb for his birthday?
Thanks, I’ll never part with this!
How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?
They’re all girls, otherwise, they would be uncles!
How many months have 28 days?
All of them!
Where would you find an elephant?
The same place you lost him!
What’s white and can’t climb trees?
A fridge!
How do you talk to a giant?
Use BIG words!
What has three letters and starts with gas?
A car!
What did the elf learn in school?
The elf-abet!
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they’re so good at it!
Why do birds fly?
Because it’s faster than walking!
Why do echidnas always win the game?
Because they have the most points!
Why did the farmer ride his horse into town?
Because it was too heavy to carry!
Why are ghosts terrible liars?
Because you can see right through them!
Why are elevator jokes the best?
Because they work on so many levels!
How do you get a squirrel to notice you?
Act like a nut!
Why was the student’s report card wet?
It was below ‘C’ level!
Which side of a cow has the most hair?
The outside!
Why did the M&M go to school?
Because he wanted to be a Smarty!
What did one flea say to his friend?
Should we walk or catch a dog?
What gets bigger the more you take away from it?
A hole!
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A dino-snore!
What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
A stick!
What type of key opens a banana?
A mon-key!
What’s a crocodile’s favorite game?
Snap!
What’s the dumbest animal in the jungle?
The polar bear.
Why did the melon jump into the river?
Because it wanted to be a watermelon!
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
What’s worse than finding half a worm?
Finding half a spider!
What did the banana say to the cat?
Nothing. Bananas can’t talk!
Why do tigers have stripes?
So they don’t get spotted!
Why do scuba divers fall backward into the water?
Because if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat!
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
The same middle name!
Why did the farmer jump on his potato plants?
He wanted to grow mashed potatoes!
What did the fish say when he bumped into a concrete wall?
Dam!
Why did the puppy do so well at school?
Because he was the teacher’s pet!
What did zero say to eight?
Hey, nice belt!
What do you call a piece of seaweed that’s fallen in the bin?
Yaki nori!
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud!
How long is a piece of string?
Twice half it’s length!
Why was the mathematics book sad?
It had too many problems!
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo and a sheep?
A woolly jumper!
How do porcupines kiss?
Carefully!
What did the triangle say to the circle?
You’re pointless!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had nobody to dance with!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What’s a parent’s favorite Christmas carol?
Silent Night!
Can February March?
No, but April May!
What game does a tornado like to play?
Twister!
Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over land it would be called a landgull!
What’s the difference between a fridge and a newspaper?
Ever tried swatting a fly with a fridge?
What sound does a cow make when it breaks the sound barrier?
Cow-boom!
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
Why did the kid bring a long ladder to school?
Because he wanted to go to high school!
What two sicknesses are worst to have together?
Diarrhea and Alzheimer’s, you’re running but you don’t know where!
Why did the girl put her money in the freezer?
She wanted cold hard cash!
What do you get a woman who has everything?
A burglar alarm!
What do you give a sick lemon?
Lemon aid!
What are the two things you can’t have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
What type of haircut do bees get?
Buzzcuts!
What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Blood orange!
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold-fish!
Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing!
What letters are not in the alphabet?
The ones in the mail!
How many letters are in the alphabet?
There are 11 letters in ‘the alphabet’!
Why do chickens sit on eggs?
Because they don’t have chairs!
What time is it when people start throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck!
Why did the giraffe have such a long neck?
Because his feet were SO smelly!
How do you know there is an elephant in the fridge?
The door won’t shut!
What did Venus say to Saturn?
Give me a ring sometime!
What did the baby corn say to the mummy corn?
Where is pop corn?
Why are frogs happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them!
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What stays in the corner but can still travel around the world?
A stamp!
What do you call a dog that tells the time?
A watch-dog!
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk!
What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs?
A look!
What do you call a fly with no wings, no legs, and no eyes?
A be! (bee)
What’s the best nation in the world?
Donation! Can you give me $10?
What time is it when your clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock!
What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
A panda rolling down the stairs!
Why can’t Cinderella play soccer?
Because she’s always running away from the ball!
How long should a giraffe's legs be?
Long enough to reach the ground!
What is the hardest part about skydiving?
The ground!
What do you get if you cross an insect with a rabbit?
Bugs bunny!
What happened when the wheel was invented?
It caused a revolution!
There were 5 cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many were left?
None, they were all copycats!
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
Where do people go who have two broken legs?
Nowhere!
What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
Your teeth!
Why are fish smart?
Because they live in schools!
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens hadn’t evolved yet!
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Yes, of course, a house can’t jump!
Why are Superman’s suits so tight?
They’re all size ’S’!
What do you call a droid that goes the wrong way?
R2 detour!
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday, the others are weak days!
Why did the school teacher wear sunglasses to class?
Because her students were so bright!
I spent 10 minutes fixing a broken clock today.
At least I think it was 10 minutes!
What is a polygon?
A dead parrot!
What does a geologist do for entertainment?
Go to a rock concert!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine?
It wooden go!
What message is written on the top of a ladder?
Stop!
Are any Halloween monsters good at math?
No, unless you Count Dracula!
What is the center of Gravity?
The letter ‘V’!
What kind of roads do ghosts look for?
Dead ends!
What is the shortest month?
May, because it only has three letters!
What did the big flower say to the tiny flower?
Hey, bud!
What do you call bears with no ears?
B!
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case she got a hole in one!
What happened to the man who sued an airline for losing his luggage?
He lost his case!
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator!
What do you get when you cross a crocodile and a cockroach?
A crocroach… RUN!
Why are robots fearless?
They have nerves of steel!
What is a witch’s favorite school subject?
Spelling!
What should you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back!
What has four wheels and flys?
A garbage truck!
What type of water cannot freeze?
Hot water!
What can you catch but never throw?
A cold!
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
The egg, because dinosaurs laid eggs long before they evolved into chickens!
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign language!
What was the Cat in the Hat looking for in the toilet?
Thing one and thing two!
What did the policewoman say to her belly button?
You’re under a vest!
What falls but never hits the ground?
The temperature!
What is heavy forward but not backward?
Ton!
What does a book do in the winter?
Puts on a jacket!
What happened to the man who booked a brain transplant?
He changed his mind!
Which dinosaur had the best vocabulary?
The Thesaurus!
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye-deer!
What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Still no eye-deer!
What should you do if it’s raining cats and dogs?
Look out for poodles!
How do you get straight A’s?
By using a ruler!
How can we tell that the ocean is friendly?
It waves!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What is ‘out of bounds’?
An exhausted kangaroo!
What type of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
What is the longest word in the dictionary?
’Smiles’, because there’s a mile between each ’s’.
How does a train eat?
Chew, chew!
Why can’t Elsa have a balloon?
Because she will let it go!
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Do-you-think-he-saw-us?
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Pregnant!
What music frightens balloons?
Pop music!
Why did the boy tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills!
How do you drown a hipster?
In the mainstream!
How many cars can you put in an empty carpark?
Only one! After that, it’s not empty.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef!
Why don’t crocodiles eat clowns?
Because they taste funny!
What did one snowman say to another?
Do you smell carrots?
What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!
Why are celebrities so cool?
Because they have so many fans!
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9!
What washes up onto very small beaches?
Microwaves!
What do you get when you cross a cow with a trampoline?
A milkshake!
What race is never run?
A swimming race!
What has two legs but can’t walk?
A pair of pants!
What animal needs oil?
A mouse because it squeaks!
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
Between us, something smells!
How do you stop a spaceman’s baby from crying?
You rocket!
Why do we put candles on the top of a birthday cake?
Because putting them on the bottom doesn’t work!
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen!
What did one DNA strand say to the other?
Does my butt look big in these jeans?
Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
Because if it lifted up both legs it would fall over!
Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long?
Because it would be a foot!
What has to be broken before you can use it?
An egg!
What’s worse than having diarrhea?
Having to spell it!
If you were in a race and passed the person who is in 2nd place, what place would you be in?
2nd place!
Knock-knock jokes
The repetitive format of knock-knock jokes are perfect for kids because they’re predictable, simple to understand, and it’s easy to invent new ones. Expect a few failures before you strike gold!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Dwane
Dwane who?
Dwane the bath, I’m dwowning!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Banana
Banana who?
Banana nana nana nana Batman!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Atch
Atch who?
Bless you!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli
Broccoli who?
Broccoli doesn’t have a last name, silly!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you’re a poo!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Tank
Tank who?
You’re welcome!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a Merry Christmas!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Wooden shoe
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another knock-knock joke?
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Broken pencil
Broken pencil who?
Oh never mind, it’s pointless!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
I love
I love who?
I don’t know, why don’t you tell me!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Justin
Justin who?
Justin time for dinner!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting co—MOOO!
(Timing is everything with this joke!)
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Cargo
Cargo who?
Car go beep beep, vroom, vroom!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Boo
Boo who?
Don’t cry!
Did you hear about the girl who invented knock-knock jokes?
She was awarded the ‘no-bell’ prize!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s cold outside!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
The Funnel
The Funnel who?
The Funnel start once you let me in!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Smellmop
Smellmop who?
Yuck, no way!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Doris
Doris who?
Doris locked, that’s why I’m knocking!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Isabell
Isabell who?
Isabell working? I didn’t hear anything!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Dishes
Dishes who?
Dishes me, who are you?
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Cow says
Cow says who?
No, cow says “Moooo!”
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Amish
Amish who?
Awww, I miss you too!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Stopwatch
Stopwatch who?
Stopwatch you’re doing and open this door!
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Ireland.
Ireland who?
Ireland you my umbrella because it’s raining!
Doctor jokes
Kids are fascinated by hospitals, medicine, doctors and nurses, and how their body works, but these jokes probably won’t teach them anything about those things!
Patient: Doctor, I’ve lost my memory.
Doctor: When did this happen?
Patient: When did what happen?
Patient: Doctor, sometimes I feel like I’m invisible.
Doctor: Who said that?
Patient: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
Doctor: Then answer the phone!
Patient: Doctor, every time I drink hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in my eye.
Doctor: Try taking the spoon out first!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well!
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I can’t feel my legs.
Doctor: I know you can’t, I’ve cut off your arms!
Patient: Doctor, I can’t stop my hands from shaking?.
Doctor: Do you drink a lot?
Patient: No, I spill most of it!
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a dog.
Doctor: Sit on the couch and we’ll talk about it then.
Patient: I’m not allowed on the couch!
Puns
With their multiple meanings and similar-sounding words, puns are a fun way to teach kids about the intricacies of the English language. Just don’t be mean if you don’t know what they mean (pun intended.)
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The moo-vies!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his toys?
Because he was a little shellfish!
How do you cut the sea in half?
With a see-saw!
What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Where do sheep get a haircut?
At the baa-baa shop!
Why did the slave go to college?
To pick up his Master’s degree!
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits!
What kind of exam does a vampire give his students?
A blood test!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh out loud?
Ten-tickles!
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky!
What’s the king of school supplies?
The ruler!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
It’s scales!
What type of music do rabbits like best?
Hip-Hop!
What do you get if you cross a rabbit with a frog?
A bunny ribbit!
What do you call a horse that lives next door?
Neigh-bor!
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together!
Are snails faster without their shells?
No, they’re more sluggish!
What did the thumb say to the finger?
I’m in glove with you!
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
What did the horse say when it fell over?
I’ve fallen and can’t giddyup!
Why is the grass dangerous?
It’s full of blades!
What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
A lawn moo-er!
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Day-scare centers!
What makes music on your head?
A headband!
Why was the teacher cross-eyed?
Because she couldn’t control her pupils!
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis!
What kind of award did the dentist win?
A little plaque!
What’s the biggest moth in the world?
A mammoth!
What kind of tree can you hold in one hand?
A palm tree!
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring process!
What did the buffalo say when his son went to school?
Bison!
What did the cat saw when someone stepped on its tail?
Me-OW!
What did the boy ocean say to the girl ocean when she asked him out on a date?
Shore!
Where do sick boats go to get better?
To the dock!
How do trees get onto the Internet?
They log-in!
What do monsters turn on when it’s hot?
A scare conditioner!
What happens when you drop your phone in the water?
It syncs!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage!
What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonkey!
Why do bicycles fall over?
Because they are two tyred!
My leaf-blower doesn’t work.
It just sucks!
Dad Jokes
You either love them or hate them, but for me, as a father of three kids, I think Dad jokes are awesome! Luckily my kids like them too. You don’t have to be a dad to tell dad jokes. Try not to groan, here come some of the best of the worst!
Why are noodles called ‘noodles’?
Because they’re not wearing any clothes!
What is black and white and red all over?
A newspaper!
What did the clock do when it was hungry?
It went back four seconds!
What do you call a boy with a car on his head?
Jack!
What’s green and fuzzy and will kill you if it falls from a tree?
A pool table!
Which hand is better to write with?
Neither, it’s best to write with a pen!
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data!
Do you want to hear a joke about a piece of paper?
Nevermind, it’s tearable!
I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know!
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it!
What do you call a man who can’t stand?
Neil!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side!
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats!
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain bagel!
What did the spider do on the computer?
She made a website!
What happened to the kid who refused to sleep?
He was charged with resisting a rest!
What do you call a factory that makes average quality products?
A satis-factory!
They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian…
They’re not laughing now!
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger…
And then it hit me!
Where do animals go when their tails fall off?
To the retail store!
Do Dads always snore?
No, only when they’re asleep!
What’s the worse Dad joke ever?
This one!
Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea-weed!
How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
He felt his presents!
What’s the loudest pet you can get?
A trumpet!
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist or time!
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
How do you make seven an even number?
Take away the ’S’!
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!
My fat parrot died…
It was a real weight off my shoulder!
What’s the difference between a dog and a cat?
The spelling!
What is an elephant's favorite sport?
Squash!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
Cashew!
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
Because it wanted to get to the bottom!
Did you hear about the kidnapping in the park?
Don’t worry, he woke up!
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent!
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of a door?
Matt!
What’s green but smells like blue paint?
Green paint!
What do you call a cat with no legs?
You can call her whatever you like but she’s not coming!
How does a scientist freshen his breath?
With experi-mints!
Nonsense Jokes
Kids don’t always make sense and neither do their jokes, but that doesn’t mean that they’re not funny. These incomplete, messed up, silly, and absurd jokes can still make you laugh out loud, particularly when delivered by a cute little kid!
What do you call a frog with no legs?
A green thing!
Why do you go to bed every night?
Because your bead won’t come to you!
What’s red, juicy, and round?
A lemon disguised as a strawberry!
What’s the same with an elephant and a ladybug?
They’re both grey, except for the ladybug.
What do you call a banana?
A yellow boomerang!
Why do elephants wear yellow socks?
So they can hide upside-down in a bowl of custard!
What’s green and looks like a tree?
A tree!
What is green and has blue wheels?
Grass… I lied about the wheels!
What do you call a frog that eats crumpets?
A crumpet frog!
Looking for more fun things to do with kids? See our 200 fun babysitting activities and use our filters to find the perfect games for your situation.
Written & Illustrated by
Updated: 13 November 2019
First Published: 16 September 2019
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